Ptilk
Title: Creepy old pirate
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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I got home from a trip to Walmart last night, planning on a fun night of playing video games and watching bad movies till I passed out. My good friend from the truck stop, she is a waitress there and gives me free coffee, was outside my house waiting for me however.
She wanted to go out dancing, and her plan for the evening was me driving and her drinking. I, of course, acquiesced to her desires and off we went to the club. It was fun, she danced, made men crazy, made out with a few guys, started a couple of fights, all the usual stuff women do....while I sipped a few cocktails and watched. We ran into a neighbor of mine as the lights were coming up. He is a good guy, I talk to him occasionally when I'm outside and he is going by. I introduced him to my friend, and they hit it off big time.
Next thing I know, I'm driving home with the two of them (both very drunk) trying to fit in the passenger seat of my car. I convinced him to leave his car there and let me take him home, well actually, I think the idea of sharing a seat with my friend convinced him more than anything I said could have....
Anyway, I quite enjoyed the fact that the two of them were hitting it off. She has horrible taste in guys, and always has a sob story about whatever dude she is currently seeing spending her money or treating her like crap. He seems to spend a lot of time by himself. So we get back to my house, and I tell them to come in and sober up a bit before she gets in her car to go home. Everyone agrees that this is a good idea, so into the living room we go.
I decide to make some breakfast, it's 6am after all, and leave them in the living room while I go to the kitchen. Spend 20 minutes making some eggs and stuff, bring the results of my labor into the living room, and find the two of them going at it on my couch. Not exactly what I wanted to see, but what the hell?...it's all good. Happy they like each other, so I take my food and head downstairs to my bedroom to eat and go to sleep.
I fall asleep in short order. Been a long night. Wake up 6 hours later and stretch and yawn then head upstairs wondering what happened to my friends. No sign of them, I'm alone in the house, which makes me happy as I had no desire to deal with other people today. My living room is a fricking wreck, couch is soaking wet wtf? I mean soaking god damn wet, it's actually dripping water on to the floor. Two pairs of pants are laying on the floor by the dripping couch and a bra and a wallet are laying on top of them.
The wallet is my neighbors (of course I looked in it to see who it belonged to) and I can only surmise that the bra belongs to my friend from the truck stops (hope my neighbor doesn't wear one but you never know). Anyway, I get a mop and clean up the floor the best I can despite the fact that the couch keeps dripping while I am doing so, then head out to my deck with a cup of coffee. The couch being wet issue will have to wait till a weekday when I feel like dealing with it.
On my deck I find my neighbor, sans pants, and my friend. They are cuddled up in a corner by my hydrangea plants on a deck chair meant for one, but exceeding it's capacity quite well in accommodating two. Well profanity, I'm all out of empathy and want them to get the hell out of my space, so I nudge him in the back and point towards his place when he wakes up and meets my eyes.
No idea what they did after that. I came back inside, drank a cup of coffee, and got on the interweb. I wonder what their description of last night would be. I also wonder why my couch is soaking wet, whatever.....it's Sunday, I'll deal with it tomorrow....
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winga
Title: Canadian
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Stream of consciousness story time
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LOL
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Hawkson
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It's pee.
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Hawkson, Esq.
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Ptilk
Title: Creepy old pirate
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Sorry Foxy. 
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-Foxy-
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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np, i was laughing so hard at your story, lol
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Ptilk
Title: Creepy old pirate
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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Jebus, the story keeps going on.....and I still don't know why my couch is soaking wet.
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Fozzie_Bear
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Subject:
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No Good Deed Goes Unpunished it seems.
-----signature-----
The Oatmeal Butterscotch paired with a Snickerdoodle
turned my cynical penis into a happy vagina
Then after an Oatmeal Cranberry and Double Chocolate,
it made my new vagina spontaneously sing the Trolololo Song in an elevator.
---AkagiyamaMissile
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AkagiyamaMissile
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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Ptilk posted:
Jebus, the story keeps going on.....and I still don't know why my couch is soaking wet.
I'm very curious to know what the hell is soaking up yer couch.
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Stupidity is hard to get rid of, but at least I can admit I have a problem -Mithan-
Gobble Gobble Mother******! -Thankskilling
and off course divers license don't count either this sucks balls.-FD
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Fozzie_Bear
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Stream of consciousness story time
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My money's on a shared shower without the use of towels afterward.
-----signature-----
The Oatmeal Butterscotch paired with a Snickerdoodle
turned my cynical penis into a happy vagina
Then after an Oatmeal Cranberry and Double Chocolate,
it made my new vagina spontaneously sing the Trolololo Song in an elevator.
---AkagiyamaMissile
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AkagiyamaMissile
Title: Lord of the Lactose Intolerant
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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Fozzie_Bear posted:
My money's on a shared shower without the use of towels afterward.
I'm leaning toward Amateur Squirt Pr0n.
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Stupidity is hard to get rid of, but at least I can admit I have a problem -Mithan-
Gobble Gobble Mother******! -Thankskilling
and off course divers license don't count either this sucks balls.-FD
Bring it on like Donkey Kong
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Chogram
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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[didn't read lol.gif]
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Fozzie_Bear
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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AkagiyamaMissile posted:
Fozzie_Bear posted:
My money's on a shared shower without the use of towels afterward.
I'm leaning toward Amateur Squirt Pr0n.
for Ptilk's sake I sure hope not
-----signature-----
The Oatmeal Butterscotch paired with a Snickerdoodle
turned my cynical penis into a happy vagina
Then after an Oatmeal Cranberry and Double Chocolate,
it made my new vagina spontaneously sing the Trolololo Song in an elevator.
---AkagiyamaMissile
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Hawkson
Title: I AM AN ASSASSIN (SHH)
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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Definitely pee.
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Ptilk
Title: Creepy old pirate
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Stream of consciousness story time
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I'm pretty sure it wasn't pee.
Didn't taste salty anyways..... 
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Onslaught.
Title: I've always wanted a title.
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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Ptilk posted:
I'm pretty sure it wasn't pee.
Didn't taste salty anyways.....
Oh Ptilk.. you are the best poster on this forum by far...
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Caoilin
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Stream of consciousness story time
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maybe they lit part of it on fire and their solution was to use the garden hose.
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Major-Spamming-Stone
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Stream of consciousness story time
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Would read again. Awaiting the sequel with anticipation!  
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"but it's ok, he's much funnier when he's plural.." - Jezza_Belle  Adopted by Lynea HUGE WALL OF TEXT HITS YOU FOR 3,237hp of BOREDOM DAMAGE (MSS 1 - Aon 0)
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AkagiyamaMissile
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Chogram posted:
-----signature-----
Stupidity is hard to get rid of, but at least I can admit I have a problem -Mithan-
Gobble Gobble Mother******! -Thankskilling
and off course divers license don't count either this sucks balls.-FD
Bring it on like Donkey Kong
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Ptilk
Title: Creepy old pirate
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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I'm gonna buy a new couch today and donate the wet one to goodwill.
I fricken hate Mondays....
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Fozzie_Bear
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Subject:
Stream of consciousness story time
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I tried to give a couch to goodwill years ago and they wouldnt take it because there was a small tear in the fabric under where the cushions sat. I was like, "REALLY? I guess beggars CAN be choosers". 
-----signature-----
The Oatmeal Butterscotch paired with a Snickerdoodle
turned my cynical penis into a happy vagina
Then after an Oatmeal Cranberry and Double Chocolate,
it made my new vagina spontaneously sing the Trolololo Song in an elevator.
---AkagiyamaMissile
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Link to this post
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