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Author Topic: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
Vault_News 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse

I was on the PTR helping another prot pally with his spec when he says "AFK, angry fiance!". That brought to mind a number of married gamers I know. One had to quit or face a divorce, he's now back gaming on limited hours. Another can only game when his wife's not home and will literally unplug his computer and run from the room when she pulls in the drive. She said she'd rather see him go to strip clubs than play WoW. On the other hand I know a lot of married couples who game together or have met in game. It can be a good combo but sometimes if one raids ahead of the other, the other gets upset.


During the Warth midnight party I had put together a list of how to get exalted with your significant other, such as picking up your socks, doing the dishes, folding laundry, making dinner and so on. Making sure things are smooth at home can smooth your game time. So how do you appease that special person in your life who doesn't understand (or maybe shares) your gaming addiction?







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Arcilite_I 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
If WoW is the basis of conflict in your relationship there are MUCH worse things going on.

You're probably playing WoW to escape those things and that's why your spouse is focusing on it.

Grow the f*ck up and prioritize your life.

 

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Stormyblade 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
Arcilite_I posted:
If WoW is the basis of conflict in your relationship there are MUCH worse things going on.

You're probably playing WoW to escape those things and that's why your spouse is focusing on it.

Grow the f*ck up and prioritize your life.



Pretty much this -- if your significant other is mad because you are playing WoW, you've already done plenty of other things to get to this point, and WoW is just another symptom of the disease.

 

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PallyDog 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
I'm curious if either of you guys are married? grin

 

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Arunne 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
My wife and I both played WOW. My wife being much more of a raid then I ever was, would be the one playing WOW to the wee hours of the morning. I would be the one getting frustrated that she was going to be playing for a couple more hours. Many night's I went to bed alone cause she was still raiding. dancing

For us it all evened out cause I would do other gaming type stuff and stay up late or be occupied when she wanted me to do other things.

 

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Ugh_Lancelot 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
I was on my PVP home server helping a friend with her new toon when she says "AFK, hubby aggro..." That brought to mind a number of married gamers I know. One had to constantly do "favors" for her husband, like gaming was some evil vice similar to a nuclear-powered vibrator. Another will only game when her husband's at work and will literally unplug and hide her laptop when he pulls into the driveway. He said he'd rather see her performing in Vivid films than play WoW. On the other hand, I know lots of well-adjusted married couples who play together or who participate as a family, much like baseball games or Wii or going to the park. It can be a good family sport but sometimes if one of the wives I know has raids when the husband gets horny, she will end up banished to the couch for a week.

During a forum discussion I had a few months back, I collected a list of how to max out faction with your life-partner, such as picking up his socks for him, making sure the dishes are done before he gets home, doing laundry while he's playing games or watching football, cooking something that is edible, washing his car on weekends, not screwing up his mirror adjustments when you drive the car, etc. Making sure things are smooth at home can smooth out your game time. So how do you deal with intransigent, overbearing, smothering SO(B)'s who don't understand your gaming hobby?


whistling

 

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Stormyblade 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
PallyDog posted:
I'm curious if either of you guys are married? grin


Can't speak for Arc, but, yes, I am married. My wife plays WoW too, but not nearly as much as I do. We both raided during Wrath, but since Cata came out she's been much less interested in playing. Not only that, but we've got two daughters that occasionally play and they use both our accounts.


So, long story short, I am married, and I stand by my post. I enjoy playing WoW on my days off, but it's not the only thing I enjoy doing. We go to the store together and do other things too...wait, why am I defending myself?

 

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MikeyJCL 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
Come back when you have a wife that doesn't game and tell me how well playing MMO's works out if you put in the time sink it takes for raiding. I'll be willing to bet it causes some sort of strife. I'm pretty lucky in that she doesn't care if I'm gaming but maybe that's because I only get on after I hang out with her and the kid all day and I play for 2-3 hours at night. If your wife is mad at you gaming you probably just need to pay more attention/hang out with them more and they won't care. A lesson far too many of my friends have learned the hard way and been put on lockdown, ghost style. Wives are like chia pets, gotta water that sucker or it wont grow. Cha-Cha-Cha-Chia!!

 

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Fedup23 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
Everyone I know that plays WoW and has a spouse that doesnt has felt the burn at one point. The key is to know when it bothers your spouse and to change your habits before its too late. I have also seen a fair share of marriages crumble over the years because of online gaming (not specific to WoW).

To be fair.. the internet in general has been a dagger in the heart to the institute of marriage.. from singles sites, to instant messenger ,to Facebook give some people enough rope and they will eventually hang themselves! shame_on_you

 

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Wolfpaw_We 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
I'm happily married, and still played a lot of WoW while married - even after the first kid. There were times when I quit a group with "Sorry, gotta go. Wife aggro.", but that's a comment made in jest. Most gamers' hubbies know who they're married to and accept it if not exactly enthusiastically.

Oh, I'm still happily married - just the number of kids and the playing WoW have changed. Not because of spousal aggro though. tongue

 

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Arcilite_I 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
Wolfpaw_We posted:
I'm happily married, and still played a lot of WoW while married - even after the first kid. There were times when I quit a group with "Sorry, gotta go. Wife aggro.", but that's a comment made in jest. Most gamers' hubbies know who they're married to and accept it if not exactly enthusiastically.

Oh, I'm still happily married - just the number of kids and the playing WoW have changed. Not because of spousal aggro though. tongue


Well, technically, the rise in number of children is directly attributed to spousal agro wink

 

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PallyDog 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
Stormyblade posted:
PallyDog posted:
I'm curious if either of you guys are married? grin


Can't speak for Arc, but, yes, I am married. My wife plays WoW too, but not nearly as much as I do. We both raided during Wrath, but since Cata came out she's been much less interested in playing. Not only that, but we've got two daughters that occasionally play and they use both our accounts.


So, long story short, I am married, and I stand by my post. I enjoy playing WoW on my days off, but it's not the only thing I enjoy doing. We go to the store together and do other things too...wait, why am I defending myself?


No need to defend yourself, it wasn't an attack, just a question. happy Although I've been told I'm a little too forthright sometimes...I think there's knee jerk reaction when it comes to gaming, people will still look at you weird, "You play games online?" "Yes, I can game AND be a 'normal' person!"

I think that even in a fairly solid well adjusted marriage there are going to be issues around somethink like WoW. Not blaming WoW, but how it's handled by either spouse. Any hobby can umm...get in the way sometimes. I think WoW is a hobby that it's easy to be all consumed by and your spouse may feel it takes you away fromt he family too much, even if you're right there.

I found this old thread while looking for the "Exalted With Your S.O. Guide" (must never have posted it like I thought) and it was a fairly intersting read and positive read.

http://vnboards.ign.com/world_of_warcraft_general_board/b19789/90367700/p1

 

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Fist_de_Yuma 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
I’ll have to admit that I got way too much into gaming. I bought my first real computer in 1981 because of a space game I saw playing on it. (Apple II) The one thing I was forced to learn over the years is how to balance life and computer gaming, especially World of Warcraft.

It started years ago when I was in college. After really struggling to keep my grades up I found a rule that fixed the problem. That rule was no gaming after mid-terms. Zero computer games, not even chess. That was way before World of Warcraft so it was easier to do. Nevertheless it gave me a foundation that helped when I started playing WoW.

You have find a set of rules will you can both agree on. After you get these rules you have to stick to them. You must follow the rules to the letter. If you are working out a set of rules then WoW has created some conflict you need worked out. That means you must build trust that you will follow the rules. That is unless you are smart enough predict conflict and work to head it off beforehand. I wasn’t.

The rules we agreed on are simple but it killed just a major part of WoW for me. My rules are surely not for everyone. It was worth the loss to me because otherwise I would not be able to play at all. Rosa really hates WoW; so it was good to find a compromise that worked for both of us. (She thinks it is the devils work.)

The big loss was not being able to raid very much. Most raids start after my 5 PM quit time. Even on Saturday most Raids take place in the evening. (The 5 PM rule is in effect.) Because of health issues (blood clots that almost killed me) it is better for me not to get into hard core raiding any more.

Rule 1. I have to have things done every day. Rosa told me to think of them as Dailies.

Rule 2. World of Warcraft play ends at 5 PM. That gives me time to get dinner ready and clean up the house before Rosa gets home from work.

Rule 3. Sunday is Rosa’s day. No WoW at all. We may go shopping, watch TV or just listen to music and read but it is her choice.

Rule 4. Fridays are ok for WoW but I cannot get tied up into a raid or anything I cannot get out of in 20 minutes or so. We do a lot of chores on Friday so I need to be free to help Rosa. Mostly I just set up Auction House and do dailies.

Rule 5. I get all day Saturday to play WoW. I mostly play with a longtime friend using Vent. Rosa will plan things that don’t need me on that day, such as hair appointments. The 5 PM rule is still in effect.

As you can see these are rules for someone with a lot of time on their hands. You will need to find rules that fit your lifestyle and gaming desire. The key is that you both agree to the rules and you follow them as much as possible. You can vary the rules or work around conflicts but you must both agree. Don’t beg or blackmail, that creates resentment. Work it out between you like reasonable adults.

Keep one thing always in mind. A happy marriage is worth far more than game time, even World of Warcraft.

 

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_Warlucky_ 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
Moderation in all things keeps your life on track. It doesn't matter if its video games, golf, drinking, work or anything else if you take it to an extreme it will eventually bite you in your ass.

 

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Stormyblade 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
PallyDog posted:
Stormyblade posted:
PallyDog posted:
I'm curious if either of you guys are married? grin


Can't speak for Arc, but, yes, I am married. My wife plays WoW too, but not nearly as much as I do. We both raided during Wrath, but since Cata came out she's been much less interested in playing. Not only that, but we've got two daughters that occasionally play and they use both our accounts.


So, long story short, I am married, and I stand by my post. I enjoy playing WoW on my days off, but it's not the only thing I enjoy doing. We go to the store together and do other things too...wait, why am I defending myself?


No need to defend yourself, it wasn't an attack, just a question. happy Although I've been told I'm a little too forthright sometimes...I think there's knee jerk reaction when it comes to gaming, people will still look at you weird, "You play games online?" "Yes, I can game AND be a 'normal' person!"

I think that even in a fairly solid well adjusted marriage there are going to be issues around somethink like WoW. Not blaming WoW, but how it's handled by either spouse. Any hobby can umm...get in the way sometimes. I think WoW is a hobby that it's easy to be all consumed by and your spouse may feel it takes you away fromt he family too much, even if you're right there.

I found this old thread while looking for the "Exalted With Your S.O. Guide" (must never have posted it like I thought) and it was a fairly intersting read and positive read.

http://vnboards.ign.com/world_of_warcraft_general_board/b19789/90367700/p1


I didn't feel attacked, just wanted to answer as honestly as possible.

 

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Spookysheep 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
What ever happened to just telling the bitch to get her ass in the kitchen and making you a pie?

Seriously, WTF happened to you people?

 

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Auenwing 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
Spookysheep posted:
What ever happened to just telling the bitch to get her ass in the kitchen and making you a pie?

Seriously, WTF happened to you people?



I don't like pies. He can make me cheesecake.

 

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Kordirn 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse


Not an issue for me.

 

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Trigeminal 
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 Subject: Topic of the Week - Appeasing the Spouse
If your spouse is upset, you have your priorities all wrong in this life. Get that in order first.

 

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