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Boards Archive] |
Welcome to the Vault Network
forum archive.
This is not a complete archive, time didn't allot us the
opportunity to properly backup the majority of the boards
deemed "expendable". Most boards on this list have at least
20-40 pages archived (non-logged in pages, 15 topics per
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Popular boards may have as many as 250 pages archived at 50
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Topic: OT: Grandpa and the ATO
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Aymyurdadi
Posts:
598
Registered:
Jun 4, '05
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 575
User ID: 1,054,775
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Subject:
OT: Grandpa and the ATO
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Grandpa and the Australian Taxation Office
The ATO decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to their office.
The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win
money gambling. I'm not sure the ATO finds that believable.'
'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee
into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on
the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand
dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
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bruce_the_darkknight
Title: Legends Quest Master
Posts:
2,459
Registered:
Feb 16, '03
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 2,404
User ID: 770,750
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Subject:
OT: Grandpa and the ATO
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Legends http://legends.rbcb.net Cyns tells you, "I was running around in just a shirt on viss today  " Mursili says, "lol... I paid his rent... he's my neighbor.. I feel like his sugar mama"
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Golden_we
Posts:
851
Registered:
Mar 28, '08
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 840
User ID: 1,286,365
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Subject:
OT: Grandpa and the ATO
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LOL
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SplashofPink
Title: Pretty In Pink
Posts:
2,625
Registered:
Jun 3, '06
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 2,600
User ID: 1,144,112
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Subject:
OT: Grandpa and the ATO
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I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues. And I'm asking you sir, at the top of my lungs - that thing! That horrible thing that I see! What's that thing you've made out of my truffula tree?
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Xenpor_VN
Posts:
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Registered:
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Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 0
User ID: 0
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Subject:
OT: Grandpa and the ATO
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Haha that's a pretty good one.
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