VN Boards Archive

[VN Boards Archive]

Welcome to the Vault Network forum archive.

This is not a complete archive, time didn't allot us the opportunity to properly backup the majority of the boards deemed "expendable". Most boards on this list have at least 20-40 pages archived (non-logged in pages, 15 topics per page).

Popular boards may have as many as 250 pages archived at 50 topics per page, while others deemed of historical signifigance may be archived in their entirety.

We may not agree with how the board shutdown was managed, but we've done what we could to preserve some of its history in lieu of that.

Please enjoy the archive.
~ Managers, Moderators, VIP's, and regular posters.

Author

Topic: Photography jokes for you

kashani Title: A Country Boy Can Survive Posts: 15,655 Registered: Nov 12, '03 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 15,448 User ID: 856,795	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb? 50 - One to change the bulb, and forty-nine to say, "I could have done that!" Baby Photographer The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment?" "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." "Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!" -----signature----- Nugent for president 2012 With Guns............We Are ~Citizens~. Without Guns......We Are ~ Victims~. For America To Live Political Correctness Must Die
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GhostOfACPast Title: The Phantom Curmudgeon Posts: 35,105 Registered: Aug 5, '02 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 34,809 User ID: 703,561	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	hehehehe -----signature----- .\O/ ...\| <- Drawing of Mohammad doing jumping jacks ...\| ../.\ Support freedom of expression. Aleksandr Sdvizhkov...martyr. Parks sat so King could walk so Obama could run. Aaaaaaaammmmmmerrrrrika Fâ€¢â€¢â€¢ YEAH!
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Raiztlin Title: Dick Tracy Posts: 8,885 Registered: Jan 23, '02 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 8,688 User ID: 626,780	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	Funneh, but posted here before :> -----signature----- I has a flavor! CC always welcome.
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Nakal Title: Moderator Bad Moogle Posts: 19,542 Registered: Jul 9, '02 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 19,238 User ID: 695,821	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	I did post that a long time ago, but a good refresher laugh is nice -----signature----- Currently in the MMO unemployment line. Can I get $15/month for not playing them?
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Ah-Schoo Title: Fuzzy Caterpillar of Friendliness Posts: 71,317 Registered: Aug 11, '00 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 68,974 User ID: 39,247	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	I don't remember the first round, so thanks! -----signature----- . Opinion = fact. Anecdote = proof. Political label more important than either of those. Welcome to ACF, where debate goes to die. . "fascist totalitarian secular progressive Zionist intellectually challenged Christian puppets." - Aerlinthina
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Nakal Title: Moderator Bad Moogle Posts: 19,542 Registered: Jul 9, '02 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 19,238 User ID: 695,821	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	How do you get the professional photographer off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza. -----signature----- Currently in the MMO unemployment line. Can I get $15/month for not playing them?
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Nakal Title: Moderator Bad Moogle Posts: 19,542 Registered: Jul 9, '02 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 19,238 User ID: 695,821	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	If you saw a man drowning and you could either save him or photograph the event, which lens would you use? -----signature----- Currently in the MMO unemployment line. Can I get $15/month for not playing them?
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kashani Title: A Country Boy Can Survive Posts: 15,655 Registered: Nov 12, '03 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 15,448 User ID: 856,795	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	-----signature----- Nugent for president 2012 With Guns............We Are ~Citizens~. Without Guns......We Are ~ Victims~. For America To Live Political Correctness Must Die
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Ah-Schoo Title: Fuzzy Caterpillar of Friendliness Posts: 71,317 Registered: Aug 11, '00 Extended Info (if available) Real Post Cnt: 68,974 User ID: 39,247	Subject: Photography jokes for you
	Hyuk hyuk hyuk. -----signature----- . Opinion = fact. Anecdote = proof. Political label more important than either of those. Welcome to ACF, where debate goes to die. . "fascist totalitarian secular progressive Zionist intellectually challenged Christian puppets." - Aerlinthina
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