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Boards Archive] |
Welcome to the Vault Network
forum archive.
This is not a complete archive, time didn't allot us the
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Topic: Why we love children.....see inside
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pkhere
Title: Yes, they are real
Posts:
54,387
Registered:
Sep 4, '03
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User ID: 835,741
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Subject:
Why we love children.....see inside
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My son will be 19 years old tomorrow. Some of these reminded me of him when he was younger. I posted this on ACF, but some posters here are smart enough to stay away from that board....so ENJOY ALL!!!!
ENJOY!!!!!
Why do we love children?
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents .'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
(I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.
'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages..
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT
-----signature-----
"I wish I could lag during sex." - Reapist
Jezza, so you know, you've been moved to the
number 1 spot of my list of people
with horrible taste on the board. -Wolfgar-
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Tuneses
Title: Cpt.: Team Degenerate
Posts:
10,655
Registered:
May 27, '02
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 10,532
User ID: 683,011
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Subject:
Why we love children.....see inside
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lol those were great 
-----signature-----
I make people, what's your superpower?
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-Poptart-
Title: CAUTION: May be hot!
Posts:
38,658
Registered:
Feb 22, '01
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 36,869
User ID: 69,820
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Subject:
Why we love children.....see inside
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lol awesome
-----signature-----
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Silverwuf
Title: Have trike will babble
Posts:
32,958
Registered:
Jul 5, '01
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Real Post Cnt: 32,296
User ID: 225,902
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Subject:
Why we love children.....see inside
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-----signature-----
Women who behave themselves rarely make history. My Give-A-Damn's Busted. http://www.thewufs.com/2003venture/motortrike.htm
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Leetah_of_WoW
Posts:
70
Registered:
Aug 15, '08
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 70
User ID: 1,314,988
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Subject:
Why we love children.....see inside
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'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
LAWL
-----signature-----
"Today I am going to live like no one else so that later, I can live like no one else." -Dave Ramsey
*roflroflpwnt*
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Pulp_Gareth
Title: boomshakkalakkaboom
Posts:
7,346
Registered:
Nov 4, '05
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 7,316
User ID: 1,091,085
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Subject:
Why we love children.....see inside
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pkhere posted:
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
SCORE!
-----signature-----
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