|
|
|
|
| [VN
Boards Archive] |
Welcome to the Vault Network
forum archive.
This is not a complete archive, time didn't allot us the
opportunity to properly backup the majority of the boards
deemed "expendable". Most boards on this list have at least
20-40 pages archived (non-logged in pages, 15 topics per
page).
Popular boards may have as many as 250 pages archived at 50
topics per page, while others deemed of historical
signifigance may be archived in their entirety.
We may not agree with how the board shutdown was managed, but
we've done what we could to preserve some of its history in
lieu of that.
Please enjoy the archive.
~
Managers, Moderators, VIP's, and regular posters.
|
| Author |
Topic: got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
-Accident-
Title: Waiting to happen
Posts:
16,541
Registered:
Aug 24, '00
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 16,161
User ID: 41,169
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
my older daughter was watering plants and went into my younger daughter's classroom with the watering can.
the little one saw her and immediately yelled, "I want that, it's MINE!!" and went to my older daughter and seized the watering can, at which point my older daughter burst into tears and the teacher separated them.
they want to work with my older daughter on standing up for herself. they want to have her go into the other classroom more often and have more opportunities for her to say, "No, this is my work, please do not disturb my work."
usually when this happens at home, we punish our little one and tell our older girl that she ought to stand up for herself and not put up with that. it's been happening less often at home but I think it's because the instigator gets punishment and I'm not sure she is punished at school. I think the school wants the girls to resolve it themselves without resorting to adult intervention.
now I'm not sure what to do. my husband and I are tempted to tell our older daughter to deck the little one the next time this happens but 1) honestly, that's probably the wrong answer and 2) there's no way the school will condone that. how can we teach our little girl that this is wrong no matter where they are and how do we show our older child to stand up for herself in a nonviolent and yet effective way? because it looks like what we're doing now is not working.
-----signature-----
I realize now I do not fear death. I fear my daughter will not be free when I die.
- NR, #iranelection
|
|
Link to this post
|
Lynea
Title: Dances with Trolls
Posts:
82,344
Registered:
Jul 26, '01
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 80,243
User ID: 280,742
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
How is the younger one punished at home?
What are you doing to encourage the elder daughter to stand up for herself?
-----signature-----
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ "It's crazy that the board newbies think I am a Liberal and B_T is a neo-con." - Gustaive_MT "God left a very clear instruction to Adam. The ****head couldn't even follow that." - -Abednego-
|
|
Link to this post
|
-Accident-
Title: Waiting to happen
Posts:
16,541
Registered:
Aug 24, '00
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 16,161
User ID: 41,169
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
at home the little one gets a timeout when she takes things from other people without asking.
we also encourage our older daughter to tell her not to take her stuff and to take it back if she has to. she used to just let the little one take her stuff and she'd just go and do something else, but we told her to stop letting other people take her things without asking.
edit: for the record, our kids are 3 and 4.5.
-----signature-----
I realize now I do not fear death. I fear my daughter will not be free when I die.
- NR, #iranelection
|
|
Link to this post
|
Lynea
Title: Dances with Trolls
Posts:
82,344
Registered:
Jul 26, '01
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 80,243
User ID: 280,742
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
Well, it's just a suggestion, but perhaps rather than a simple timeout, you should take away something the younger child values each time she does this so she'll know what it feels like?
For the older child, I really have no idea. Do you let you know you disapprove of her current actions? Sometimes that disapproval will spur a child into wanting to do things to gain a parent's approval. Seems kinda backwards, but that's all I can come up with for that one.
-----signature-----
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ "It's crazy that the board newbies think I am a Liberal and B_T is a neo-con." - Gustaive_MT "God left a very clear instruction to Adam. The ****head couldn't even follow that." - -Abednego-
|
|
Link to this post
|
-Accident-
Title: Waiting to happen
Posts:
16,541
Registered:
Aug 24, '00
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 16,161
User ID: 41,169
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
Lynea posted:
Well, it's just a suggestion, but perhaps rather than a simple timeout, you should take away something the younger child values each time she does this so she'll know what it feels like?
this is a good idea, I think we may give this a try because it's obvious timeouts aren't cutting it here.
Lynea posted:
For the older child, I really have no idea. Do you let you know you disapprove of her current actions? Sometimes that disapproval will spur a child into wanting to do things to gain a parent's approval. Seems kinda backwards, but that's all I can come up with for that one.
I'm not sure how to answer this as I don't exactly disapprove of her actions. How do you tell a child you disapprove of her being too nice? I guess mostly I don't understand because I have to say, when I was a kid, if MY little sister had taken a toy I was playing with, I would have snatched it back and I would have clobbered her too, for good measure! But my sister and I had a very different relationship, we fought like cats and dogs every single day and my two little girls actually don't. I'm grateful, but sometimes it makes things more complicated, I guess. I know I shouldn't condone violence but what else can you do when you start running out of other options? HAVE I run out of other options? 
-----signature-----
I realize now I do not fear death. I fear my daughter will not be free when I die.
- NR, #iranelection
|
|
Link to this post
|
Lynea
Title: Dances with Trolls
Posts:
82,344
Registered:
Jul 26, '01
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 80,243
User ID: 280,742
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
Hmmmm....have you told the older child that what the younger one is doing is wrong? I mean, I would assume so, but I kinda remember something like this with my daughter only not to this degree.
I had to explain that what someone was doing was wrong and she needed to do what is right. She'd ask questions like "isn't that being mean, though?" and I'd explain that sometimes when you stand up for yourself, your actions might not be as nice as if the person wasn't doing something wrong to you already.
What do I know, though. /shrugs
-----signature-----
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ "It's crazy that the board newbies think I am a Liberal and B_T is a neo-con." - Gustaive_MT "God left a very clear instruction to Adam. The ****head couldn't even follow that." - -Abednego-
|
|
Link to this post
|
-Accident-
Title: Waiting to happen
Posts:
16,541
Registered:
Aug 24, '00
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 16,161
User ID: 41,169
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
Lynea posted:
Hmmmm....have you told the older child that what the younger one is doing is wrong? I mean, I would assume so, but I kinda remember something like this with my daughter only not to this degree.
I had to explain that what someone was doing was wrong and she needed to do what is right. She'd ask questions like "isn't that being mean, though?" and I'd explain that sometimes when you stand up for yourself, your actions might not be as nice as if the person wasn't doing something wrong to you already.
What do I know, though. /shrugs
yeah, she knows that what the little one is doing is wrong. I like your explanation of what happens when you stand up for yourself, though. I definitely want her to understand that when someone wrongs you, sometimes it's ok to push back. It's complicated but I know it's so important -- I mean, right now it's stuff like her sister taking her toys from her, but what if one day it's someone wanting to molest her? what if ten years down the road it's the first boy she dates wanting to take things farther than she wants to go? Everyone tells little girls to be sweet and good and nice, but sometimes we need to fight for ourselves and I want her to get that.
anyway thanks for the advice, I think there's some good stuff here.
-----signature-----
I realize now I do not fear death. I fear my daughter will not be free when I die.
- NR, #iranelection
|
|
Link to this post
|
Lynea
Title: Dances with Trolls
Posts:
82,344
Registered:
Jul 26, '01
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 80,243
User ID: 280,742
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
|
Cool, I hope it helps. Maybe someone will have some better suggestions later, too.
-----signature-----
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ "It's crazy that the board newbies think I am a Liberal and B_T is a neo-con." - Gustaive_MT "God left a very clear instruction to Adam. The ****head couldn't even follow that." - -Abednego-
|
|
Link to this post
|
Jennifer_the_Great
Title: Shrimp Farmer
Posts:
35,926
Registered:
May 6, '02
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 35,628
User ID: 676,008
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
It could just be her personality, to the point that she's not going to figure out how to stand up for herself until she's much, much older. My middle sister didn't figure out how until she was well into her 20's, no matter what anyone (parents, extended family, teachers, etc) tried to do with her.
I hope your daughter figures it out much sooner.
-----signature-----
Morality isn't a 'persona', it's a way of life. Either you have it, or you don't. - Fraxcat
Stupefied. 10/11/84 - 12/25/04 Jaclyn. 09/18/86 - 04/01/07
|
|
Link to this post
|
Varece
Posts:
46,015
Registered:
Jan 7, '02
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 44,985
User ID: 598,676
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
Repitition and patience with the little one. That's how I'm dealing with the grandkids right now, that are pretty much the same age difference as yours, just a little younger.
Maddy, the 1yo offender, just has to be talked to and maybe shown something else to do, rather than being mean. I tell her no no, and explain why it's wrong, then I steer her to blocks or whatever her sister isn't playing with, and spend some time playing with her. They only need 5 or so minutes to get interested in something else.
Works for me 
Good luck
-----signature-----
I am no longer young enough to know everything Knowledge is Free  America's Libraries "You embrace that which defines you" "If you tell the truth, you don't need a good memory" We're not perfect...we're parents
|
|
Link to this post
|
-Accident-
Title: Waiting to happen
Posts:
16,541
Registered:
Aug 24, '00
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 16,161
User ID: 41,169
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
at one year of age, I can understand just redirecting them, but at three it's getting harder to justify. :/
I will try to find out what my little one's preschool teacher did with her after they separated the girls.
-----signature-----
I realize now I do not fear death. I fear my daughter will not be free when I die.
- NR, #iranelection
|
|
Link to this post
|
myxomatosis8
Title: amateur zookeeper
Posts:
18,778
Registered:
Jul 14, '01
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 18,441
User ID: 251,097
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
Assertiveness training at the tender age of 4? Seems a bit much to me, but you're the one who can see the dynamic at home, and deal with it there. If it's hurting the eldest to be like that, sure you can try to make her change. It's like a mini-hierarchy with kids, and the eldest aren't always the leaders or opressors!
Dunno, I doubt I'd take to heart what the preschool people said. Sure it's not good to let people walk all over you, but that's ingrained in personality, I think, and might do more harm than good to try to change her so young.
-----signature-----
If you're flammable and have legs, you're never blocking a fire exit.
|
|
Link to this post
|
-Accident-
Title: Waiting to happen
Posts:
16,541
Registered:
Aug 24, '00
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 16,161
User ID: 41,169
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
well for now it may be a moot point.
my husband talked to the kids and it seems the teachers completely misunderstood whatever it was that happened. According to my older daughter, she was offering to share the watering can with her little sister and the teacher said no because the little one hasn't had a "lesson" on how to water the plants yet. So both kids started crying, the older because she thought the teacher was angry at her, the little one because of course, she'd really wanted to water the plants.
At least this version actually makes a lot more sense to me. aaarrghhasfiupoiuwae. >.<
-----signature-----
I realize now I do not fear death. I fear my daughter will not be free when I die.
- NR, #iranelection
|
|
Link to this post
|
Princess_Bri
Title: Official VN Cutie
Posts:
8,682
Registered:
May 20, '03
Extended Info (if available)
Real Post Cnt: 8,500
User ID: 804,084
|
Subject:
got a call from the preschool and I'm kind of lost now >.<
|
LoL well at least you understand whats going on now
Good luck with those two
-----signature-----
***1f y0u c4n r34d 7h15, y0u r34||y n33d 70 637 |41d. ***
This space rented by my slave _ArchbishopLazarus_
|
|
Link to this post
|
|
|
| © 2012. All
Rights Reserved. |
|
|
|
|
