Hyperimiator posted:

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12/8/04 1:23am Subject: Hyper's hippie stories, No. 1, How I was almost became the high priest of a witches coven.... - Date Edited: 12/8/04 1:28am (1 edits total) Edited By: Hyperimiator

This story all began in my favorite watering hole of my youth Mr. Henry’s Tenley Circle in Washington D.C.

Picture a smoke-filled bar with live music in the next room, waitresses who wore expressions that indicated they would rather kick your ass than take your drink order and a woman’s bathroom that had a sign on the door that said “Raw Bar”.

Yep a true 70’s in your face drink till you drop pickup joint, I even invented a personal drink there called the Tombstone, 5 fingers of 151 rum in a beer mug and two fingers of coke. I never left their alone after three Tombstones, but those stories could fill an ACF page on their own….

Back to this story, I catch the eye of a very large breasted female in the mirror’s reflection behind the bar. Ok cut to end of night, I took her by her place to drop off her girlfriend (she was a bi-feminist) and she came back to my pad, I had my own groovy apartment complete with a water bed, way back then in the mid 70’s.

An hour or two later my apartment roommate had to get up and crank up the stereo in the living room as the sounds of her screaming OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!, woke him up.

She had not been with a man in a while, a long while I think.

Ok flash forward a few weeks later (kinda fuzzy timewise, but as you can see above I still remember the important stuff) she is moving to Cleveland and I offer to help, we pack up her big 70’s sedan, rent a trailer, fill it with her stuff and head on down the road.

She inherited a mansion in Cleveland Heights from her grandfather or uncle I don’t remember, but he was some kind of rich capitalist from the turn of the century. The place was huge, with a staircase like Tara in Gone with the Wind.

Ok now flash 6 or 7 years later I am changing planes in Cleveland and I decide to look her up, there she is in the phone book, I call her and we start chatting right away, I had not talked to here since I left Cleveland.

She tells me she has a kid. I ask ”how old” she says 6, I freeze up, I remember all those letters she wrote on “what is love” I remember how she was a radical feminist and would never ask for help from a man if she has a kid, I start thinking OMG, I have a son!

I flash in my mind pictures of me telling my Mom, “Mom you are a Grandmother and he is 6 already!”

My heart is beating so loud I swear I can hear it, there is dead silence on the phone from me, I can’t speak, oh why didn’t I answer her letters I’m thinking, my god I am in shock.

She finally says, ‘it’s not yours, I met a guy a month after you left”.

So after pushing my heart out of my throat and back into my chest cavity, I decided had to go see for myself, this woman could still too proud and independent and all, so I gotta go and see for myself.

Whew, brunette mom, me a dark haired greek, and the kid a blue eyed blonde, definitely not me.

I noticed the din in her place, and asked her why she had crickets, frogs and snakes, man the place sounded like the Great Dismal Swamp.

She raised the crickets to feed the frogs and the frogs to feed the snakes, and that is when she told me about the coven she joined where in fact she was the high priestess.

She invited me to a convention of witches not the evil satanic kind but the wiccan kind, back before they used that term when they were merely called instead, practioners of magick.

So that is how I ended up at a ski lodge in Ohio in the middle of summer in a cabin with all women, me in the bed room with the priestess doing our thing most lustily, and a dozen or so witches in the next room, all ears I am sure.

Also booked at the lodge were the Baptists (I think, any way they were fundamentalist types I will refer to as Baptists) in some sort of conference, imagine that Baptists and Witches at the same convention center.

At one point while walking down the steps with a 6 or so women all dressed in black wearing pentagrams (we were going to a ball) a group of Baptists just froze in horror as we walked by I couldn’t help but laugh evilly.

A few moments later I was standing next to a warlock, we were down by the door area, one set of doors to the witches ball one set of doors to the Baptists shindig.

This warlock was in a grim reaper outfit, complete with scythe, the Baptists had a band going and we could hear this schmaltzy jazz number, the Johnny Carson Late night theme song.

The warlock got a wild grin on his face and beat on the door to the Baptists thing, finally banging it open with his scythe he looked like Jack Nicholson from the shining and as he stood there waving his scythe he loudly proclaimed, “HERE’S JOHHNNY!”

Several hundred Baptists screamed in terror and ran in abject fear to the other side of their banquet room, screaming, “Satan, Satan is at the door!”. I couldn’t take it at this point, the 6 witches and I fell to the floor in paroxysms of laughter, we laughed so hard we couldn’t stand up.

So after finally catching my breath, in I go to the witches ball, it was a surreal experience, Timothy Leary was there, I remember saying a few words to him but I can’t remember what I said. He was standing by a huge bunch of balloons that they were showing psychedelic films on using the balloons as a surface.

I remember hearing him to do a thing on achieving astral projection.
http://www.wicca.com/celtic/astral/astral1.htm

He probably got into his 8 circle of consciousness thing, but at this point things are real fuzzy memory wise for uhm, well certain obvious reasons, and well, let’s just leave it at that… http://deoxy.org/8circuit.htm

Ok next day or so the witches wanted to all have a meet with me, they decided I should become the high priest of the coven, I guess it helped boinking the high priestess and all, and some major leader of all of these covens who organized this whole thing, her name was Sarena, took a liking to me or my aura or astral projection, hell I don’t rememeber, anyway there was a little catch.

Their high priest was in prison and when he got out I would need to battle him in a magickal battle. The witches said I had 6 months before he would get out and they would help me prepare, they said they all sensed my strong magickal power, hoo boy decisions, decisions. 12 women, me, 12 women, hmmmmm.

I graciously declined their offer for special magickal training and high tailed it back to Washington, DC, back to my regular life and my stable of regular girlfriends.

And so that is how I almost got drafted to fight a magickal duel to become a high priest, I always wondered what kind of victory ceremonies or special training we would have enjoyed together as a group, me and all those witches, oh well a good time was had by yours truly the Hyperimiator, and I just chalked it up to a weird weekend in Ohio

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