Author Topic: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
left my brother and me, when I was about 2 ,after my father passed away. Brother went to grandparents, and my fathers best friend became my family (adopted me).. love them. THEY are my family (though I still interact with bio family)

biological mother about 20 years later does the same thing. has 2 kids with new husband. Well, she lives out in Arizona now without her kids and ex husband.

needless to say, I am not close with her.. as stated above, I haven't talked to her in about 20 years.. and before that it was only once in a great while

Brother called me a week ago and told me she isn't well...

is a text too cold? good enough?

it's awkward as hell.. I've been putting off calling her..


I don't seek this drama ACF.. I really don't plain

 

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Caoilin 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
why bother talking to her now? she obviously doesn't gaf about you.

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
true enough


she called and emailed me a few times over the years... but that's about it (I wasn't exactly responsive about it either...)



though I feel like I SHOULD call


what a text be a douche move?

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
I wouldnt in your shoes.

 

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myxomatosis8 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Either way texting is no good. If you really feel that guilty that you have to give false support/sorry to hear that type words, at least do it over the phone.

 

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Aerlinthian 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Contact her and spend as much time as you can with her, while you can.

 

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FineYoungCannibals 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
call her and say



lol you have Leukemia

 

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WhipSmack 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
goodbye
your son
Brandun

 

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GrimTempest 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Caoilin posted:
why bother talking to her now? she obviously doesn't gaf about you.


qft

 

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-Foxy- 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
do you have any positive feelings for her?

 

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Webscar 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
If you're going to contact her; don't text her...

 

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Derasio 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Either don't contact her at all or call.

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
-Foxy- posted:
do you have any positive feelings for her?


I don't know

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
FineYoungCannibals posted:
call her and say



lol you have Leukemia


LOL

 

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Webscar 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
In that case call her; offer to be supportive, but keep in mind that you don't owe her anything.

You're on the fence, which means if she dies tomorrow you'll likely feel regret/guilt later on. If you offer to be supporting you might rekindle with her... or you'll find out that she really is a **** and can just write her off in good conscience.

 

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Kanga_Roo 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Aerlinthian posted:
Contact her and spend as much time as you can with her, while you can.


agree

 

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mightbe 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Kanga_Roo posted:
Aerlinthian posted:
Contact her and spend as much time as you can with her, while you can.


agree


agree as well

once shes gone, she can't talk. don't go to your grave, asking yourself, shoud i have talked to her.

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Brandun posted:
-Foxy- posted:
do you have any positive feelings for her?


I don't know




then, you need to figure that out first.

 

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the_tessa 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
assuming you know where she lives, send her a card. if she doesn't know where you live, don't put a return address.

 

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Fozzie_Bear 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
-Foxy- posted:
Brandun posted:
-Foxy- posted:
do you have any positive feelings for her?


I don't know




then, you need to figure that out first.


yeah thats the smart, womany, kinda thing to say and probably makes sense.

As a dude, I'm gonna go with quoting Pulp Fiction. "Man, I don't even have an opinion."

 

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gatzby 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
You might not have to forgive her for her past actions, but there may come a day when you regret not at least making the attempt in reconnecting.

 

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combat_mage_sc 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Text her: "heard about the Leuk. R.I.P" cool


chicken


 

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Nerf-Evil-Oo 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Go visit her and cook a meal and show her how great your life is and what she missed out on from being a douche bag.
It will give her something to think about when she spends eternity in hell.

 

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Caoilin 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
combat_mage_sc posted:
Text her: "heard about the Leuk. R.I.P" cool


chicken




laugh

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Nerf-Evil-Oo posted:
Go visit her and cook a meal and show her how great your life is and what she missed out on from being a douche bag.
It will give her something to think about when she spends eternity in hell.



She lives in Arizona... I live in Rhode Island

that might not work

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
combat_mage_sc posted:
Text her: "heard about the Leuk. R.I.P" cool


chicken





lol

 

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Nerf-Evil-Oo 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Brandun posted:
Nerf-Evil-Oo posted:
Go visit her and cook a meal and show her how great your life is and what she missed out on from being a douche bag.
It will give her something to think about when she spends eternity in hell.



She lives in Arizona... I live in Rhode Island

that might not work


Arizona has some great ski areas whats the problem?

 

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Cuttlery 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
-VanDraegon- posted:
I wouldnt in your shoes.

 

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ACX 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
I'd call and her talk to her. See if she can explain why she chose to abandon you.

 

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the_great_ontex 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Aerlinthian posted:
Contact her and spend as much time as you can with her, while you can.

 

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purplehugmonkey 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
I definitely would either do nothing or call, not text.

Up to you whether you feel it is necessary/called for.

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
I loved my mom to the end so good luck with that.

rose Mom

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
The only advice I have is to consider if you will have regrets afterward. There is no changing the past. If you have ANY feelings at all towards her I would go or at least call her.

Did your brother keep in contact with her?

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Brandun, I think you should do whatever YOU feel is appropriate. If you hold no malice toward her and can wish her...all THE BEST...then let her know. Truly...


~Murron~

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Caoilin posted:
why bother talking to her now? she obviously doesn't gaf about you.


not often I agree with Caoilin. Screw her, I wouldn't even give her the pleasure of a text.

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Leukemia isn't always a death sentence. Call her, wish her well... move on and you can stop worrying about it.

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Varece posted:
I loved my mom to the end so good luck with that.

rose Mom


I have a Mom


She is in Florida atm

She enjoys the warmth and my dad enjoys the golf leagues

rose

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Sarena_WE posted:
The only advice I have is to consider if you will have regrets afterward. There is no changing the past. If you have ANY feelings at all towards her I would go or at least call her.

Did your brother keep in contact with her?


regrets seem to be what is hanging over my head


and yes.. While I had mom and dad.. my Brother was much closer to her than I ever was...

kind of different stories

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
though I say that, and she completely messed with his head

over and over in fact


 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Text - Ha ha

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Nobody can know another mans heart (you OR your mother) but maybe it will ease her passing and someday yours, if you talk to her and any issues you had between you are smoothed out.

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
It's really pretty simple. When she's gone she won't know if you contacted her or not. Do it not for her but for you. Asking here means you will always wonder if you don't. Contact her to resolve you own feelings.

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
only do it if you think it will be a comfort to you after she's gone. If you think you'll feel guilty later that you didn't reach out, then do.

send her flowers if you don't think you want to speak to her.

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Write her a letter, not an email, not a text, good old fashioned snail mail.

Tell her everything, how you feel about your family (the people that loved and raised you), how you feel about her (putting it on paper helps you know how you feel), how your life is now, how it was growing up, just keep putting down what is going thru your head....talk about whatever, doesn't matter what, it will mean something.

Keep a copy, send it off to her, call your mom in Florida and tell her you love her.

You did your part, rest easy.

 

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Smackey_the_Frog 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
If you decide to contact her ... do it for you, not her.

She made her bed, she can sleep in it. If you think there is anything there worth getting closure on, by all means go for it.

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Text her and ask her if she wants to talk.

 

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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Would you have made this thread if you didn't have some kind of connection with her? Or feelings?

 

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Hiakisha 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Go visit her with 2 dogs and a cat. Ask if shes doing well and then leave her with the 3 animals. Then text her and say "how does it feel"

 

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suntzukali2 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Me and my dad never really got a long. After he passed away I realized I would give anything just to talk to him one last time. Just to tell him how I feel.

I dont know what you want to do with your mom I just know what I would do if I could do it over again.

 

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Sith_Mauler 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Do whatever you think you can live with, I hated my real dad so much that when I had my children I never allowed him to see his grandkids.

Now he died before the oldest was 5 years old, so my children dont know any difference, but it is a regret that I have to live with.

 

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Silverwuf 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Ptilk posted:
Write her a letter, not an email, not a text, good old fashioned snail mail.

Tell her everything, how you feel about your family (the people that loved and raised you), how you feel about her (putting it on paper helps you know how you feel), how your life is now, how it was growing up, just keep putting down what is going thru your head....talk about whatever, doesn't matter what, it will mean something.

Keep a copy, send it off to her, call your mom in Florida and tell her you love her.

You did your part, rest easy.


This. Also tell her you forgive her. It will do you both a world of good.

Silver

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
AynRand posted:
Text her and ask her if she wants to talk.


mmmmm


Ptilk, I will call my mom in Florida (come home in another month or so dancing )

I think I want some interaction with Janette (Arizona).

then again, maybe your idea works.....

either way, good call

 

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myxomatosis8 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
But if she wasn't sick you wouldn't have bothered contacting her or having to do anything with her, right?

I never get this, but to each their own, and good luck with whatever you choose to do, man!

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
myxomatosis8 posted:
But if she wasn't sick you wouldn't have bothered contacting her or having to do anything with her, right?



you are indeed, correct

 

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Lynea 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
So you feel guilty about not making more of an effort when she tried to reach out to you? Is that why you want to contact her now? Because you feel guilty?

Do not feel any guilt. She should have been there to love and protect you when you needed her most. She's the one who left. She's the one who didn't care.

Reach out to her now if you truly feel you must (but not by txt), but do not feel guilty if you choose not to. That guilt is her burden, not yours. Let it go, Brandon.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but my situation was similar.

 

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GrimTempest 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Brandun posted:
myxomatosis8 posted:
But if she wasn't sick you wouldn't have bothered contacting her or having to do anything with her, right?



you are indeed, correct



which brings me back to my original reply, or at least the reply i quoted. you've got some misguided sense of guilt pushing you into contacting her before its too late. the problem is you couldn't care less about contacting her under normal circumstances. step back and look at this with some perspective, your only contacting her to make yourself feel better because you'll feel like a bad person or something if you don't. you can't be a bad son to a mother who was never there.

 

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-Foxy- 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
GrimTempest posted:
you can't be a bad son to a mother who was never there.


correct

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Lynea posted:
So you feel guilty about not making more of an effort when she tried to reach out to you? Is that why you want to contact her now? Because you feel guilty?


yes, yes and yes

though she deserved it

I owe her nothing



than why feel like this??

 

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Brandun 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
-Foxy- posted:
GrimTempest posted:
you can't be a bad son to a mother who was never there.


correct



fair statement


 

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Mangler_SC 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?

I read nothing other than the subject line; yes, contact her.

You might not forgive yourself if you don't.

 

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Lynea 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Brandun posted:
Lynea posted:
So you feel guilty about not making more of an effort when she tried to reach out to you? Is that why you want to contact her now? Because you feel guilty?


yes, yes and yes

though she deserved it

I owe her nothing

than why feel like this??

You probably feel like you do because you always wished for something more from her. I'd talk to someone professionally this week if you have a chance. I think they can help you see all sides of your situation and work through any latent feelings you have from her leaving all those years ago.

Try and forgive her if you can. It's one of the hardest things you can do, but our parents make mistakes just like the rest of us. Sometimes they're real doozies, too.

 

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-Accident- 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
mightbe posted:
Kanga_Roo posted:
Aerlinthian posted:
Contact her and spend as much time as you can with her, while you can.


agree


agree as well

once shes gone, she can't talk. don't go to your grave, asking yourself, shoud i have talked to her.


can't say better than this.

and the reason you feel this way is because you are a good person. hold on to that.

 

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Nestor_II 
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Subject: My Biological Mother has Leukemia I havent talked to her in about 20 years.. send text ? no?
Go the distance and ease her pain, Bitterness is for those who have no heart and if the mom who raised you did a good job, You must do Yours.

 

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