Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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http://elizabethrstark.com/2011/12/19/if-famous-writers-had-written-twilight/#.TwO9LbzUWO0.facebook
These were my two favorites.
Cormac McCarthy
In the opening scene, Edward dashes Bella’s head against a rock and rapes her corpse. Then he and Jacob take off on an unexplained rampage through the West.
Jane Austen
Basically the same as the original, except that Bella is socially apt and incredibly witty. Her distrust of Edward is initially bourne out of a tragic misunderstanding of his character, but after a fling with Jacob during which he sexually assaults her (amusing to no one in this version) she and Edward live happily ever after.
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Allmightybob_MLF
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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*cringes*
Old people humour.
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Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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I suppose if by old you mean "well read".
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Allmightybob_MLF
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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I hear there's this new show called Jersey Shore that ripe for parody. HAI GUIS! SNOOKI! LOLOLOLOLOL!
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Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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sense... you make none.
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Itab
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Jezza_Belle posted:
sense... you make none.
Cents*
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I'd suck a fart out of your ass and hold it likea bong hit. --- cumbat_mage_sc Kasta Magier says, "SLEEP IN HELL NINJA BASTARDS" http://i25.tinypic.com/24b6u5v.jpg
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Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Itab posted:
Jezza_Belle posted:
sense... you make none.
Cents*
Scents, you make too many?
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TickyAtack
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Jezza_Belle posted:
I suppose if by old you mean "well read".
You're old.
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i, ticky.
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Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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TickyAtack posted:
Jezza_Belle posted:
I suppose if by old you mean "well read".
You're old.
you're ugly
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TickyAtack
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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hah!
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i, ticky.
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Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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sorry, it's a knee jerk reaction, my kid calls me old all the time.
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BritonGuy
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Googling Twilight again Jezza?
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Briton Guy...persnickety...NEVER!  -Murron (truly) Hawkson is the greatest. -Hawkson Britonguy is usually right. -Onslaught on BT “Do or do not... there is no try.†- Yodazami Do you expect me to remember what I put in my mouth? -NSMachi
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AkagiyamaMissile
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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WTF @ this thread! 
Still....I'm amused! 
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Stupidity is hard to get rid of, but at least I can admit I have a problem -Mithan-
Gobble Gobble Mother******! -Thankskilling
and off course divers license don't count either this sucks balls.-FD
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Itab
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Jezza_Belle posted:
Itab posted:
Jezza_Belle posted:
sense... you make none.
Cents*
Scents, you make too many?
Marry me. 
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I'd suck a fart out of your ass and hold it likea bong hit. --- cumbat_mage_sc Kasta Magier says, "SLEEP IN HELL NINJA BASTARDS" http://i25.tinypic.com/24b6u5v.jpg
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Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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BritonGuy posted:
Googling Twilight again Jezza?
no, posted on a MALE friend's facebook.
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Itab
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Jezza_Belle posted:
BritonGuy posted:
Googling Twilight again Jezza?
no, posted on a MALE friend's facebook.
A gay male.
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I'd suck a fart out of your ass and hold it likea bong hit. --- cumbat_mage_sc Kasta Magier says, "SLEEP IN HELL NINJA BASTARDS" http://i25.tinypic.com/24b6u5v.jpg
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Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Itab posted:
Jezza_Belle posted:
BritonGuy posted:
Googling Twilight again Jezza?
no, posted on a MALE friend's facebook.
A gay male.
Then why is he always hitting on me?
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-MrBean-
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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I liked this one:
William Gibson:
Plot: Bella is a failed prototype of Artificial Intelligence living in an Archology in the suburbs of the Neo-Seattle Cyberspace and is a hyper-hyped celebrity-artist wannabe. As her scuptures made of discarded Hitachi Magic Wands don’t pay for her addiction for designer nanoprobes, she is about to consider selling her lines of pink code to a Snuffer-than-snuff Albanian memory implant service. There, she meets the dashing/doomed hacker EdWard_v0.9. At first unimpressed by his online-persona (A vampire, like everybody else), she is strangely attracted by his demure if not vacant attitude (he’s mostly AFK, to be honest). EdWard is running away from a mega-corporation who has unleashed a new breed of software agents called Werewolves on his virtual ass. One of them, called JacobShavenTorso will kidnap her during an epic cyber-heist/exploit whose description will last for five chapters. Once Bella is extracted, they hide in the darkspace, out of the reach of any known search engine and wins her CPU over. Unfortunately, during a slow-mo tedious-core lovemaking description, Jacob hits Bella’s reset button by mistake and EdWard_v0.9 gets another chance at making it work… but he is AFK again, operating his Toyota-Monsanto sandwich maker. Bella falls in love with him again, triggering a final philosophical one line pop-shot from the author about the recursive nature of non-reality, or something.
Style: No sentences are more than four words but 50% of the time contain a cool brand made of the fusion of two existing but unrelated corporation names. The rest have a random allusion to a fiercely emerging third-word country.
In the future, even English grammar is tortured by cyber-implants…
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A lot of them just seemed like they wee trying too hard.
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Dark_EternalFF
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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"Dostoyevsky: In the first chapter, we learn that Bella is an impoverished ex-student in St. Petersburg who conspires to kill Edward for the money he has taken from his victims during his life as a vampire. The rest of the novel investigates Bella’s tortured internal argument as she seeks to justify staking Edward because of all the good she plans to do with his money, versus her guilt at killing him, which simultaneously represents her desire to kill her father and the prevailing spirit of atheism that is threatening to kill society."
Flawless.
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tillsb
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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lol @ Twilight
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tillsb
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Jezza_Belle posted:
Itab posted:
Jezza_Belle posted:
[quote=BritonGuy]Googling Twilight again Jezza?
no, posted on a MALE friend's facebook.
A gay male.
Then why is he always hitting on me?[/quote]
Bad taste?
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putzbutt
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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well Jezza, you're young to me
not that it matters
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Itab
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Jezza_Belle posted:
Itab posted:
Jezza_Belle posted:
[quote=BritonGuy]Googling Twilight again Jezza?
no, posted on a MALE friend's facebook.
A gay male.
Then why is he always hitting on me?[/quote]
You got me there. Pm me a full frontal and I will get back to you 
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I'd suck a fart out of your ass and hold it likea bong hit. --- cumbat_mage_sc Kasta Magier says, "SLEEP IN HELL NINJA BASTARDS" http://i25.tinypic.com/24b6u5v.jpg
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AkagiyamaMissile
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Face > all.
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Stupidity is hard to get rid of, but at least I can admit I have a problem -Mithan-
Gobble Gobble Mother******! -Thankskilling
and off course divers license don't count either this sucks balls.-FD
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JD_HOGG
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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George R.R. Martin. Both characters are killed before then 5th chapter.
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Tipztoe
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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is there a Mel Gibson one where he goes on a tirade, calls the main vampire the n word, then claims there was no vampire holocaust?
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Reapist
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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If famous writers had penned Debbie Does Dallas.......................
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Referring to illegal aliens as 'immigrants' is the same as referring to shoplifters as 'shoppers' - Dorvinion
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Jezza_Belle
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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AkagiyamaMissile posted:
Face > all.
ROFL, that's awesome!
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Onslaught.
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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JD_HOGG posted:
George R.R. Martin. Both characters are killed before then 5th chapter.
Nah. Neither Edward or Bella are likeable/interesting. They'd live forever in a Martin novel.
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Fozzie_Bear
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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tillsb posted:
Jezza_Belle posted:
Itab posted:
[quote=Jezza_Belle][quote=BritonGuy]Googling Twilight again Jezza?
no, posted on a MALE friend's facebook.
A gay male.
Then why is he always hitting on me?[/quote]
Bad taste?[/quote]
maybe he considers you mannish enough?
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The Oatmeal Butterscotch paired with a Snickerdoodle
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Then after an Oatmeal Cranberry and Double Chocolate,
it made my new vagina spontaneously sing the Trolololo Song in an elevator.
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NSMachin
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I found this amusing... If famous writers had penned Twilight
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Cormac's is ace.
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